A Missionary Kid’s Journey

God called my parents to go to a new culture, to learn the language, and to dedicate their lives to sharing His word with them. But that wasn’t my calling—it was theirs.
That might be a common thought that missionary kids have. Their parents have accepted this difficult call to go, and in turn they had to face many obstacles before and after reaching the mission field. Their children, however, go through distinct challenges, ones that their parents may not have a chance to experience or comprehend.

Why am I here?
Where am I from?
Where is home?
What culture do I belong to?

Those questions are simple to ask, but deeply complex to answer within the world of a third-culture kid (TCK). In the midst of these unique challenges, TCK’s can also develop unique strengths to overcome and navigate through these experiences if they receive the proper tools and care that they need.
I met with Aritza, a psychologist who is part of Reflejo´s member care team, and together we discussed some of the difficulties MK’s face and how they can feel supported.

Here are 4 unique challenges MK’s face:

1- Educational Maze: A patchwork of learning
School has always been tied to a child’s social development. For an MK, education can be inconsistent due to frequent moves, language barriers or varying educational systems. Some are homeschooled, others attend international schools, and some go to boarding schools. Because school curriculums are different in every country, many Mk’s have to also go up or down a grade while simultaneously learning a second and sometimes even a third language.
In my case coming back to Argentina, school started in February and ended in December, so even though I had already finished 6th grade in July I had to repeat 6th grade in Spanish for the rest of the year. The adjustment wasn’t just academic; it was social and emotional as well.

2- Cultural Identity: Belonging Nowhere and Everywhere
MK’s learn to incorporate their parent's culture at home, the culture on the mission field and frequently the culture of their social groups which may be children from other countries around them. This leads to an uncertainty about their identity and where they belong. When MK’s return to their passport country, they may face reverse culture shock, where the culture they’re “supposed” to belong to feels foreign or uncomfortable. They suddenly have to learn where they fit in within this new country, whereas before they may have found a place they felt they belonged to on the field.
I remember feeling like a chameleon, after several years in Argentina I learned to adjust and adapt by copying those around me, but inside I felt like an outsider. I knew I would never be able to relate completely to the kids that had grown up in this country.

3- Loss and Grief: The Goodbye’s that Shape Us
Leaving a home, friends or extended family is never easy, but MK’s have the emotional weight of saying goodbye multiple times through-out their childhood. Building deep friendships and connections takes time, but MKs may find themselves leaving those connections behind before they fully bloom, wondering, “Will I ever see them again?”. Often times, their grief is quiet and hidden because they may not even realize they’re grieving old friendships or losses, and they find themselves yearning for someone who can understand them. Some may have an easier time making friends and others feel frustrated and don’t want to try to build connections, knowing they will leave someday.
My sister once told me “my friends don’t understand that I know how fragile time is, they take it for granted thinking that we’ll always have more time, but I know that at any moment things can change, and we may never see each other again.”

4- Spiritual Struggles: Carrying the Weight of Expectation
Many times, MK’s struggle with their own faith, especially if they feel it has been imposed on them, or they’re expected to represent their parents. Some countries where missionaries go don’t have faith based communities for youth, so they may feel isolated in their questions, doubts, frustrations and over-all spiritual journey. The biggest misconception is that an MK doesn't have to be discipled, and they must already have a relationship with God because they grew up seeing Him in their parent's lives.
It took me a really long time to realize I needed and wanted to see God in my own life and my own experiences because people made me believe my parent’s faith and their experiences were my own.

Knowing all this, we recognize our responsibility as the body of Christ:
To promote safe spaces to provide support and accompany missionary’s kids. Spaces (individually and in small groups for third culture kids) where they can be honest, voice their questions, be supported holistically, and find their identity in Christ. Because, just like any other kid, they need to feel heard and know they are not alone amidst the emotionally turbulent circumstances they face.

Aritza shares:
“They will still struggle and go through difficult situations because they’re human, just like us, and any small obstacle they encounter could be amplified in their interactions with their parents. That is why we want to also equip their parents with the right tools—not for them to have a picture-perfect family or process, but so they can recognize these unique challenges and navigate them together, being there for one another as a family and continuing to fulfill their purpose in God.”

Within Reflejo’s member care, we are committed by God to nurture a new generation of missionary kids who feel heard and supported, with parents equipped to guide them through the unique challenges they face. Let us remember that although their parents are called to the mission field, their children also have their own journey—one that equally deserves our care, understanding, and prayer.